Every one of us has waved at someone who was waving at the person behind us. Or gone in for a handshake when the other has chosen a hug and ended up with hands in some very questionable places. We’ve all fallen victim to life’s awkward moments…
A good deed gone wrong
This happens to us at least three times a week surely?! Some generous soul holds the door open for you, even though you are still 14 meters away, so you have no other choice but to awkwardly gallop those few yards to reach the door to avoid said stranger standing there awkwardly for what seems like an eternity.
The handshake hullabaloo
In the 1920’s there was only one hand gesture designed for greeting people, you could politely put out your hand and rest assured the other person would take it, shake it and appreciate it! But how many times have you gone in for a simple handshake and found someone’s crotch inappropriately pressed up against your hand? No? Well what about when you attempt a handshake and another goes in for a fist pump and you’re left there awkwardly holding a persons fist in your hand.
Are we in Europe?
Not only has this happened to us, but so many times we have seen this horror unfold before our very eyes! Do we greet someone with a regular kiss on the cheek or go in for the double dose? We still don’t know! As if the uncertainty wasn’t bad enough… it’s even more embarrassing when you finally make the confident decision to go all continental, and suddenly the other person pulls away after the first peck to leave you pouting into thin air like un gros melon.
No I’m not pregnant, but thanks for your seat
Ever been mistaken for a pregnant woman on the train/bus/anywhere and had three people get up off their seats for you? Me too. (Throws baggy t-shirt into) There are two things you could do in this situation. 1. Make it even more awkward for everyone by saying “Actually, I’m not pregnant, I had a big bowl of pasta for lunch”. Or 2. Say thank you, sit down and proceed to tell the person next to you how excited you are for the arrival of your food baby.
Can you speak up?
It’s 9am, you’ve come into work and are going about your business. Your boss/colleague walks past your desk and says “Hello/Good morning/You alright?”. In return, your response comes out as a whisper. Instead of shouting after them you go about the entire day with everyone thinking you’re just really rude.
“Oh, I’m sorry…did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
The only thing worse than having your story interrupted once is having someone interrupt you a second time as you attempt to tell it again. It’s completely awkward because you know that other members of the group have picked up on it but are completely powerless. So you have to act as though you’ve become totally engrossed in what this other person has said.
I agree to the terms and conditions…
You’ve landed your dream job, now it’s just a case of sorting out the paper work. Nothing screams awkward more than someone hovering over your shoulder waiting for you to sign a document when all you want to do is run home to your lawyer and get them to dissect it thoroughly. Instead of shouting: “Just give me a minute!!” You sign the contract, hand it over, and spend the next few months wondering what your job role actually is.
What’s that now?
No matter what stage of life you are at, you will always always always find yourself in this situation: You’re sat with a group of people you’ve never met and you hear: “Let’s go round the room and have everyone tell us a fun fact about themselves”. What fresh hell is this!?! Not only do you realise that you’re not in the slightest bit interesting, but the entire build up fills you with dread and anxiety.