The 15 worst celebrity baby names

By Ellyn Peratikou

It was announced last week that new parents, Kim Kardashian and rapper Kanye West have decided to name their new born baby girl North West, despite having laughed it off as ‘a ridiculous rumour’ earlier this year. However, the name was leaked to the press last week, and was met with both laughter and horror. Not to worry though, baby North has already been given the nickname Nori. Yes, Nori, as in the green seaweed that holds your sushi together. That Nori.

To celebrate yet another celebrity birth, we’ve put together a list of what we think are the top 15 worst celebrity baby names. Ever.

15. Moxie Crimefighter – Daughter of magician Penn Jillette 
The chances of little Moxie (?) becoming a Crimefighter when she’s older are pretty slim, and that’s not to say she can’t be, we’re just being realistic. Although it is a pretty great name if she ever wanted to go into the legal profession.

14. Pilot Inspektor – Son of ‘My Name is Earl’ actor Jason Lee. We’re starting to think that maybe these celebs are using job listings to search for baby names.  Pilot Inspektor isn’t even a real job. Neither is Pilot Inspector, for that matter. Plane Inspector is a real job.

13. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – Daughter of the late Michael Hutchins and Paula Yates. With three more daughters named Peaches, Pixie and Fifi Trixabelle, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily probably didn’t seem too odd.

12. Audio Science – Son of American actress Shannyn Sossamon. This sounds more like a class we would have fallen asleep in at school, not a name suitable for a baby.

11. Buddy Bear Maurice – Son of Jamie and Jules Oliver. Now, correct us if we’re wrong, but wasn’t this the name of a not-so-great disney film? Well, after naming their three daughters Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow they were hardly going to call their son Daniel were they?

10. Jermajesty Jermaine Jackson – Son of Jermaine Jackson. (Like you couldn’t tell) Just because you were in the Jackson 5, does not mean you can name your Bad puns and awkward plays on language really should just be avoided at all costs. “Jermajesty” sounds like the name of a really bad self-produced hip-hop album.

9. Denim – Son of singer Toni Braxton. This may not be the best of names, but it’s definitely a great way to guarantee your child ends up on the next Levi advert. If you’re going to do that, you should commit to it properly. Here’s a few more suggestions for future Baby Braxtons: Viscose, Polyester, and Cotton.

8. Speck Wildhorse – son of Rock star John Cougar Mellencamp. We’re not sure what Speck is short for, we’re even more confused as to why on earth John Mellencamp has given his son the middle name of ‘Wildhorse’. What we do know, is that Speck will probably get a lot of stick for it.

7. Bronx Mowgli – Son of rocker Pete Wentz and singer Ashlee Simpson. This name sounds more like a Jungle Book spin off set in the backstreets of the Bronx, New York, where a now 20-something Mowgli is adjusting to life in the city and fighting each day to stay alive.

6. Zuma Nesta Rock – Son of Gwen Stefani and British rocker Gavin Rosdale. We almost feel like letting this one slide, but just because Gwen Stefani is so uber cool doesn’t stop this name being any less awful.

5. Satchel – Son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen. We’re not entirely sure where the pair were coming from when they named their first son Satchel. But we definitely don’t blame him for later changing his name to the less ridiculous Timothy.

4. Dweezil – Son of Late American musician Frank Zappa Frank Zappa loved his children. So much so, he completely bully-proofed this name, using a combination of the words “Dweeb” and “Weasel”.

3. Diva Thin Muffin – As if women aren’t faced with enough pressures in life without being stuck with a name that sounds like something straight out of Prasilla Queen of the Desert. Not only does Frank Zappa’s daughter have to live up to the name ‘thin’ but would you want to approach someone called Diva?

2. Moon Unit – Yes, Frank Zappa is responsible for this too. Enough said.

1. Pirate – Son of Korn singer Jonathan Davis. It’s not difficult to guess what little Pirate will be when he grows up…! An accountant. Pirate will be an accountant.

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